Bereavement can be a time of despair and disorientation, but it can also be a time for renewal of one’s own life.
I had a period in my life where four people close to me died within three years.
In January 2011 one of my close woman friends died of abdominal cancer and 6 months later another of breast cancer. The following year my mother died in her 90’s.
A year later my life partner, Rajen, died of prostate cancer.
The essence of love and deep stillness
When Rajen died I had a real experience of love and deep stillness. He had left his body in the early morning hours. I sat with him for one hour holding his left hand, and a lot of warmth and love was flowing from his hand into mine. I felt like being vertically drawn into deep silence and peace.
I entered an inner space of stillness.
The room was filled with his love and a deep silence. It was such a gift from him to me as I could sense and meet him in his essence, which is Love. That moment I realised that’s what he is in reality. That moment I experienced and knew that my own essence is the same, I am Love.
The first weeks after Rajen’s death I felt so connected to him, to the “unseen world” and the deeper layers inside me. I felt a lot of light in and around me. It also felt as if I am drawing energy from my inner source (my Being), and coming in touch with my inner strength.
Grief and pain
For a time I was going through grief and pain.
The different emotions came in waves, and I allowed myself the time and space needed to feel the grief. When people say it takes at least a year to grieve after losing a loved one, I can totally confirm this.
Discovering new Depths
Rajen’s illness and his death opened my eyes and reminded me that our lives are impermanent and that one day we too will have to die. We tend to ignore this as we go about our busy lives.
Bereavement can be a time of despair and disorientation, but it can also be a time for renewal of one’s own life. In the midst of our deepest pain we might discover new depths of meaning in life and start looking at what’s really important to us now and for the rest of our lives.
“For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.” – Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
The experience I had when being with Rajen in his last moments became part of my own awakening process.
I believe that another aspect of our being, our soul or innermost essence, continues after death. Physical death is not the end but a change of form, the most powerful transition an individual can experience - an extraordinary opportunity for liberation and recognition of one’s true nature.
The passing years
Over the years - moment by moment - I had to realize something, that Rajen hadn’t really gone. Yes, physically he had left his body, but his essence was still there.
I started feeling the bond, the connection with him. Through the bond I can still today let my love flow to him. Sometimes in the evenings I can sense him being around, when seeing a tiny spark of light in my room up in the air.
When a Friend dies
Most important is to give your dying friend or relative all your love and let them go. Let them die in peace, feeling loved.
Reiki can give gentle support to the process of transition. When wanting to apply Reiki the weeks before or during transition, please read my guidance on Reiki for palliative care.
This is an important and powerful process to be felt and held.